I think I'm pregnant
by Vain Ambitions
Summary: Rukia is too innocent. She thinks sharing a bed with Hitsugaya just one night would make her pregnant. "No, seriously, listen to me, how on Earth could a person get pregnant just by sharing a freaking bed?" HitsuRuki mature contents beware.


Hitsugaya stared down at Rukia, lying naked next to him. Goodness, how did it end up like this?

Damn it, it all started with Rukia being so paranoid, running to his office screaming like that.

_XxXxX_

"_Hitsugaya-taichou!" Rukia shouted frantically, bursting into the room. "Hitsugaya-taichou, h…help me…!"_

_XxXxX_

Hitsugaya closed his eyes. No, it's not Rukia's fault, actually. She's just dumb for her age, she can't help it. She's also too paranoid for a normal person, it's probably her genes, so it's not really her fault.

Yes, it all started with that night, that horrible, horrible night. Whose fault was that? Oh yes, his annoying lieutenant. Yeah, thinking about it, nothing could have gotten wrong if it was not for her. Yes, everything was Matsumoto's fault. Entirely Matsumoto's fault.

* * *

_A week ago…_

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, MATSUMOTO?" Hitsugaya roared when he stepped into his division. The ceilings and the walls, _his _ceilings and walls, were filled with draperies and disco balls. The furniture, _his _furnitures were all nowhere to be seen and the floor was taken over by red carpets. The whole room, the entire building, the whole division, _his_ division, was bombarded with disco lights and intolerably loud music blasting from God-knows-where.

"Huh, what, Taichou, I can't _heeear_ you!" Matsumoto answered, face blushing with drunkenness. Hitsugaya could feel his eyes twitching, as he was dead sure Matsumoto could hear him well enough. No one ever missed out on what Captain Hitsugaya said when he's shouting like that. His anger boiled inside him, and he could feel his temperature rising.

"**I SAID, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?**"

The whole room silenced. Matsumoto had to admit that she heard this.

"Oh, how can you not know, Taichou, we are celebrating! You know…because Aizen is defeated…you know…everyone in soul society is partying you know… you should totally join in, Taichou…" Matsumoto mumbled, slurring her words incoherently. The noise level around started increasing again as people started dancing and singing once more.

Hitsugaya sighed and left. If the building has been turned to this kind of state, it's obviously no hope in being restored. If Matsumoto is already in this state of drunkenness, past experiences told him to leave before she puked at him.

Ah, damn it, it's so irritating…why is it that almost every single day Matsumoto had to create some havoc that caused him to be unable to sleep? He had just come back from an afternoon of surveillance around the Rukongai, and now he doesn't even get a proper place to sleep in tonight. Argh seriously…

"Hitsugaya-taichou?" A sweet voice sounded from behind him. He turned around.

"Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya recognised the girl as Byakuya's sister, the one that was supposedly sentenced to death not too long ago, the one that went on mission trips together with him, the one that was Kurosaki's friend, the short girl with the cute hair and the beautiful smile.

The girl bowed respectfully. "Why are you still walking around in this time of the night, Hitsugaya-taichou?"

"Why are _you_ still walking around in this time of the night, Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya asked back, smiling. This was one of the rare times that someone actually treated him so respectfully and seriously.

"I…I got chased away, sir." The girl said. "My division is having a party and no minors are allowed."

"Party?" Hitsugaya frowned. "Strange, my division seemed to be having parties too…" Damn it, does it mean what Matsumoto said was true? The part about everyone in soul society is partying? It that was true, life is going to suck more from today onwards…

"So are you like me, finding a place to sleep tonight?" The girl asked.

Hitsugaya blinked. Finding a place to sleep? Yes, if everywhere in soul society is 'partying', then he really needed to find a peaceful and serene place where he could rest. "Do you have any place in mind, Kuchiki?" He asked.

"Hai, Hitsugaya-taichou." She answered. "I've asked Captain Unohana, the fourth division has a room free. Do you want to come along?"

"Yes, sure." Hitsugaya said, happy that he found a place to relax so easily.

Or not…

XxXxX

Hitsugaya stared at the lone bed in the middle of the room. "Erm…there is only one bed…here…" He said slowly, as if waiting for a new bed to pop out in the middle of nowhere when he finished the sentence.

The girl shuffled uncomfortably too. "Well, I can sleep on the floor, I really don't mind." She said, trying to force out a smile.

Hitsugaya frowned. Kuchiki was the one that found this place, and she was expecting to have a nice comfortable sleep on the fourth division bed. Hitsugaya was just tagging along since he needed a bed too, but it was originally her idea. She helped Hitsugaya, so it would really be bad if he made her sleep on the floor after all these. But he definitely did not want to sleep on the floor. Definitely. Hitsugaya thought adamantly.

"Share the bed with me then, Kuchiki." He said.

"W…what?" The girl exclaimed, shock written all over the face. "T…that's not…good… I…erm…"

Geez, so troublesome… "It's an order." Hitsugaya said, and the girl shut up.

XxXxX

The bed is smaller than it seems. Or maybe having two people squeezing in one bed wasn't such a very fantastic idea. But Hitsugaya was too proud to admit that mistake.

Having the girl's arm overlapping awkwardly over his, and being in contact with her body, her legs and her arms were really quite disturbing at first. But after about ten minute or so, when the two of them stopped moving around and fidgeting, Hitsugaya had to say this extra warmness next to him was pretty cozy. Only the annoying long hair of hers keep flying back to tickle him somehow. And that hot, sweet breath (did she just eat strawberries?) of hers gave him the shudders every time.

"Stop trying to move away, Kuchiki." He said, when the girl started shifting around again.

"H…hai, Hitsugaya-taichou."

He sighed. "There's no need to be so formal now, Kuchiki, just call me Hitsugaya for now." He paused for a while, and added. "For now." He emphasized.

"Ah…hai…Hit…Hitsugaya…"

Hitsugaya frowned. He liked everyone to take him seriously and treat him respectfully as a Captain, but this girl was doing too much. He had better loosen up this weird tension. Maybe he should call her by her last name…which was… erm… "Kuchiki, what's your last name?"

"Eh?" She exclaimed, shocked once again. "R…Rukia… Kuchiki Rukia desu…"

Rukia… nice name. Simple and short, and very unique. And very cute too, in a way. "Rukia, eh. You are quite strong for your rank, aren't you?"

Rukia smiled bitterly. "Y…yeah, nii-sama doesn't want me to be too high up a rank. He said it would be dangerous."

"Hm, so Byakuya pulled the strings… If he didn't what rank would you be?"

"I don't know."

"You might well be a vice-captain's level. If your brother had not been too nosy about your life I would totally make you my vice-captain."

"Eh? But Matsumoto-fukutaichou is a good vice-captain…"

"Stop joking, she irritates me every single day."

"She's not that bad, she can be serious if she wants to."

"If she wants to, that's the problem. Most of the time, she doesn't want to."

Rukia laughed. Hitsugaya smiled. Talking to people of the same age is really very relaxing. _I could talk like that for hours…_

_That (not so) horrible night that started it…_

XxXxX

Hitsugaya was sitting on his couch, looking through the papers, sighing at the amount of work he needed to do. Damn Matsumoto for sneaking off again…

Suddenly…

"Hitsugaya-taichou!" Rukia shouted frantically, bursting into the room. "Hitsugaya-taichou, h…help me…!"

Hitsugaya stopped whatever he's doing, and stood up. "W…what is it?" He asked, shocked.

Rukia looked around to make sure no one else was listening. "I… I think I'm pregnant…"

Hitsugaya frowned. Rukia? Pregnant? Why would she? She looked like such an innocent girl. Hn, seems like people cannot be judged by looks, so Rukia is also _that _type of person too… Whatever it is, why is Rukia confronting him about it? If she had to, she should go to Byakuya or Unohana. Did that night a week ago made her think that we are friends now, not a captain-subordinate relationship?

"So? Why are you telling me that?" He asked.

"Why am I telling you this?" Rukia repeated, as if shocked that Hitsugaya was asking such a stupid question. "I'm pregnant with _your_ kid, Hitsugaya-taichou!"

"What?" Hitsugaya blinked. Did he hear right? He laughed wryly. "T…that's impossible, Kuchiki, you can't be pregnant with _my_…"

"We slept on the same bed!" She said.

Hitsugaya blinked once more. "…So?"

"So?" Rukia repeated incredulously. "So? Nii-sama said that girls get pregnant when they share a bed with a guy, and… and… just now, I puked and… my stomach feels uncomfortably… I must be pregnant with your kid! How could you just 'So?' me? You are so irresponsible!"

Hitsugaya blinked again. Wait… a minute… "Kuchiki, sharing a bed with a guy do not make you pregnant."

"Don't push away your responsibilities like that!" Rukia said angrily. "Nii-sama said so! Nii-sama said girls get pregnant when they share the same bed with a guy! And… and he said when girls get pregnant they'll feel like puking all the time… AND I JUST PUKED! I MUST BE PREGNANT!"

Hitsugaya could feel his eyebrows twitching. "Kuchiki…" Damn that Byakuya, what on Earth was he doing, teaching the wrong things to Rukia. And that stupid Rukia for believing everything he said. "You probably just got food poisoning or something."

"NOOOO! I MUST BE PREGNANT! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO DENY IT BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY!" Rukia shouted, agitated.

Hitsugaya could see some shinigamis walking by the door, staring at the two of them weirdly. He sighed, and went to close the door shut. "Listen to me, Kuchiki, people don't just get pregnant just by sharing a bed." He said, rolling his eyes slightly at the stupidity of the topic.

Rukia pouted. "You're still denying, aren't you?" She insisted.

"No, seriously, listen to me." Argh this girl is so freaking dumb it's driving me insane. "Just think, how on Earth could a person get pregnant just by sharing a freaking bed? What? The baby just pop there by itself?"

Rukia frowned. "I… I don't know… Nii-sama never explained…"

"Well, your brother is wrong."

Rukia gasped. "Nii-sama is never wrong!" Hitsugaya hit his head in irritation. Damn this girl!

"Look… fine, let me illustrate to you." He grabbed a scrapbook and a pen, and started drawing. "See, inside your body, there is this organ thingy, this is the womb, where you know, babies are held…" _I know what a womb is, said Rukia proudly_. "Whatever. So, see here, the ovary here would produce an egg every month, and the sperm would have to come and fuse it to make a baby." _I know this much, said Rukia proudly_. "Right, so you know this much. Have you ever thought how the sperm go into your body?"

Rukia blinked. "When you share a bed?"

"No! Goddamn it, no!" Hitsugaya said. "What? The sperm swim to your body in the air? It comes out of my body just like that and swims into your body?"

"Y…yeah…"

"No! It's not that easy! Or everybody would be pregnant by now! You have to do something to get the sperm in! Have you ever heard of sex?"

"Erm…it's another word for gender…?"

"Argh! You are hopeless!" Hitsugaya exclaimed. "No! No no no no no no no no!" He held up the scrapbook again. "See…the guy has to somehow…insert the sperm into the woman's body, you know, like intentionally…" He blushed a bit, while he explained.

"I don't get it." Rukia said bluntly.

"You know…" Hitsugaya blushed a bit more. Why the fuck is he giving lessons to her about…how to fuck? Damn this… "The…guy's…_penis_ had to be inserted to the vagina of the girl's… and…" He gulped. "Well, sperms would… squirt out of the penis and then enter the female's body."

Rukia frowned. "What? I've never heard of this. You must have made it up."

Hitsugaya could feel his anger rising! This disrespectful girl! A week ago he was still quite fond of her! "I DID NOT MAKE IT UP!"

"Then show me." Rukia challenged.

What? Did he hear right? Rukia actually asked… for him to _show_ her? "As in…you want to see it for yourself…?" He said, blushing.

"Yeah." Rukia said, puffing out her chest. "We're alone now, and I don't believe you. I want to see it for myself!"

Hitsugaya sighed. Alright then…since they're alone… "Well, first off, the guys would get erm… _erected_…"

"What's that?"

"The penis would be hard… you know…" He looked at Rukia's eager face. This I not right… Are you freaking serious? This girl's face says she wants to see it! Argh damn this… why did I end up teaching her… He took off his robes, flushing a deep red, and showed Rukia.

Rukia blushed too. "Wow…" She said, looking away slightly, and then looked back again. "I didn't know it looked like this…"

"Yeah, yeah, now you know…" Hitsugaya continued. "Anyway, some…I don't know… _sexual_ thing would somehow cause the guy to be erected…" Looking at Rukia's face, he knew he had to show her what he means by that. It would be his first time, actually…

"Sexual…things? Like how?"

"Like…like seeing _some_ parts of a girl…"

Rukia blushed, suddenly realising what Hitsugaya means. "Since you're so kind as to let me see your…thing… I don't mind letting you see mine…" She peeled of her robe as well, showing off her upper body.

Hitsugaya flushed when he saw Rukia's bare body, covered only with a pink flowery bra. Rukia, no matter how small she looked normally, she still looked quite sexy as a woman… Oh God, what am I thinking…? And why aren't I hard yet… He blushed even more when he saw Rukia staring down there, curious.

"It looks the same." She commented.

"I don't know why too…" Damn it, blood keeps rushing upwards to my head, and none of it downwards!

"Maybe…" Rukia said, blushing a lot more. "It's not enough…" She said, as she took out her bra.

Oh God… Hitsugaya closed his eyes as he felt himself going hard. And Rukia's gasps and 'wow, oh my, it actually stood up' did not help at all…

"So…this thing contains the sperm?" Rukia asked softly.

"Yes…if you put it that way…" He pointed at the white liquid at the tip of his penis. "That is the sperm, actually…"

Rukia stared at it, and took Hitsugaya by surprise when she touched it, staining her hands with the fluid. She lifted it up for a closer look, face filled with embarrassment and curiosity.

"You can… taste it if you want…"

"You sure? It's not poisonous or anything?"

"I don't think so…" Hitsugaya shrugged. He watched as Rukia licked the fluid hesitantly. "So…erm…how does it taste like?"

Rukia shrugged. "Kind of bitter…"

"Alright!" He said quickly, diverging Rukia's attention (she had been staring furiously at his dick). "Move on! Anyway, after it becomes hard like this, the guy will…erm insert it into the girl's vagina…"

"H…how…?"

"What do you mean how, just insert it in." Hitsugaya said, brushing the topic off. He did not really know how, actually.

"How do you know the right spot actually? I… I don't even know where it is…"

"Do you want me to show you?" He said. Rukia blushed, and he found himself staring at Rukia's lower body, and quickly stopped himself.

"Alright then…" Rukia said, as she stripped totally. In Hitsugaya's room, two naked people sat on the couch next to the work table, where Hitsugaya had been doing his paperwork halfway, blushing like red apples, like two red naked apples.

"Okay…" Hitsugaya gulped, as he grabbed Rukia by the shoulder. "Here goes…" He said, and stuck a finger down Rukia gently.

Rukia gasped, gripping on Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya took his finger out immediately, and looked at Rukia, worried. "Are…are you okay…? Is it painful?" he asked apologetically.

"N…no…it's okay…" She said, swallowing hard. "I… I just didn't expect this kind of feeling… What's…what's that?" She added, staring at Hitsugaya's fingers.

"Oh…this? This is your…erm…fluid…" Hitsugaya said, no idea what word to use.

"What is it for?"

"Well, it's to lubricate your vagina so that…my penis can through it easily…" He said, staring at his hands. It's white and milky, and kind of sticky too… It's like a milk jelly. Since Rukia licked mine… I'll just… Hitsugaya sighed, and licked it gently. It's not that bad…

"Oh God…"

"What?"

"I think I dirtied your couch…" Rukia said, embarrassed. Hitsugaya looked at where Rukia's eyes were looking. Beneath Rukia, hot, white liquid wetted the fabric.

Dang it, there's enough trouble in my life… "It's alright. I'll clean it up later…" Hitsugaya said with a sigh. "So anyway, the penis would go through the vagina like that and tadaa! That's how it's done." He said finally, as he grabbed his robes, ready to wear it back on.

"Hitsugaya-taichou…"

"What?"

"I want to know how it feels like…" She said.

"What?" Hitsugaya said in disbelief.

"I want…to try it out…" Rukia repeated, blushing.

"Hey hey, Kuchiki, stop joking…it's not funny." Hitsugaya stopped when he realised that it was not a joke. That girl is serious. Dead serious.

Hitsugaya frowned and stared at the imploring Rukia. Who could resist such cute eyes? He softened. "Alright… Alright… Lie on the couch." He ordered. Rukia nodded, and lied on the couch obediently. Hitsugaya climbed on top of her. Rukia…she looked so vulnerable, and so… cute. He leaned down, and kissed her.

"Hit…Hitsugaya-taichou…?" Rukia said, surprised.

"Call me Toushiro for now, Rukia." He said. "For now." He emphasised. And he plunged deep into Rukia.

* * *

Hitsugaya stared down at Rukia, lying naked next to him, her hands tangled around him. Goodness, how did it end up like this? This is so wrong, he shouldn't be doing this. She was his subordinate! Damn this…

He took a deep breath, calming himself down. Rukia had such a sweet, serene smell… He sighed deeply and kissed her gently on the forehead.

"Taichou! Open the door! Taichou!" Ahh, Matsumoto is screaming outside. What time is it, by the way?

Hitsugaya jerked up. Damn it, it's 7 o'clock! They have slept for four hours?

"Taichou! Are you alright? Have you fainted? I'm going to break this door down now!" Matsumoto shouted frantically.

"No!" Hitsugaya shouted back.

"Taichou! You answered! So are you alright?" Matsumoto said, relieved.

"Yes! I'm alright! I slept accidentally. Wait, don't knock down the door!" Hitsugaya said.

"Toushiro?" Rukia rubbed her eyes. "What happened?"

"We have to get up, Rukia, it's seven already." He said, wearing his clothes frantically. "And people are knocking the door."

Rukia blinked. "W…wait! I have to get out of here! Nii-sama…they'll know what we…" She gulped. Hitsugaya didn't need her to continue the sentence.

"Quick, run away!" He said, helping Rukia into her clothes.

"Toushiro…" She said. "I guess I'm really pregnant now."

Hitsugaya sighed. "Stop it with the pregnant thing already. If you are, I'm ready to take all responsibility." He smiled, and gave Rukia one last kiss. "Meet me here tomorrow, we'll finish off where we are left off." He whispered to Rukia, causing her to blush.

"Hai, Hitsugaya-taichou…" She said, as she flashstepped away.

Hitsugaya smiled sweetly to himself. This would be a sweet little secret between the two of them…

Or not.

"**TAICHOU WHY IS THE COUCH WET?"**

Damn his annoying lietenant…

XxXxX

End of one-shot!

Longest one-shot ever! Anyway, I am still young and innocent, so some of the concepts written are slightly immature correct me if you may. Hope you enjoyed. :P Just trying out my skills at writing such mature fics haha.


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